DISCLAIMER!
this carrd was made to educate others on polyamory. keep in mind that not every polyamorous person experiences what is mentioned here. the community is vast and there are many things i do not have enough information on, and for this reason some things may be missing or may not be entirely correct. if you have any questions or notice any sort of misinformation, bad wording, or missing part, please reach out to me @enbyjjk on instagram.
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WHAT IS POLYAMORY?
polyamory (greek prefix poly-, meaning "many", and the latin word amor, meaning "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved. it has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".
polyamory has come to be an umbrella term for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner relationships, or non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships, and can take many different forms, depending on the needs and preferences of the individual(s) involved in any specific relationship or set of relationships.
MISCONCEPTIONS
"IT'S THE SAME THING AS CHEATING"
cheating includes deception and betrayal eg. if you and your partner have agreed not to have sex with other people, but your partner breaks that promise. the difference between cheating and polyamory is that people who are polyamorous have shared agreements about sex and relationships with other people.
"POLYAMOROUS PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF COMMITMENT"
people aren’t polyamorous because they’re unhappy about committing to a relationship. in fact, one research study showed no difference in relationship satisfaction between people who are monogamous or consensually non-monogamous.
commitment for monogamous people can mean expressing love by putting time, trust, and respect for shared agreements into a relationship with another person. commitment for a polyamorous relationship could mean the same — just with a different set of agreements.
"ALL POLYAMOROUS PEOPLE ARE DOWN FOR GROUP SEX"
if having threesomes all the time sounds exhausting to you, then you should know that plenty of polyamorous people would agree with you.
while polyamory can include sexual relationships with more than one person, it’s not about having sex with multiple people at the same time.
POLYAMOROUS FLAG
the polyamorous flag was first introduced in 1995 by jim evans. it has a total of 3 stripes with the blue standing for openness and honesty among all partners, the red standing for love and passion, the black representing solidarity with those who must hide their polyamorous relationships from the outside world, and in the center being the greek letter π (pi), which was originally chosen because the mathematical constant π is an irrational number with infinitely many decimal places, a play on polyamorous people "having infinite love". another use of π was as a furtive shibboleth, a symbol whose meaning would not be understood by non-polyamorous people, to allow polyamorous people to recognize one other without risk of being outed or exposed about their non-traditional lifestyle.
over time, and coming to a head in summer 2020, the original flag came to be seen as undesirable by many in the polyamorous community. their reasons included discordant colors, controversy surrounding jim evans, and the pi symbol and black stripe's symbolism. jim evans believed that polyamorous people should and will hide their relationships, which many in the polyam community argued makes it the opposite of a "pride" flag.
due to this dissatisfaction with the original flag, several alternatives were proposed. in many of these alternatives, the infinity heart has been a recurring symbol, much preferred over pi.
POLYAMOROUS TERMINOLOGY
HIERARCHICAL POLYAMORY. a relationship in which more importance is placed on certain partner(s) and relationship(s).
NON-HIERARCHICAL POLYAMORY. a relationship in which no partner(s) or relationship(s) is prioritized above others.
PRIMARY. a primary partner is a “main squeeze” in a polyamorous relationship with a hierarchical structure. not every polyamorous relationship has one. if you do, your primary might be the person you live with, have kids with, or are married to.
SECONDARY. a secondary partner has a more casual relationship than the primary. you might be fully committed to your secondary partner, but your lives are less entwined through elements like finances or housing.
VEE. a relationship made up of three partners, getting its name from the letter “V,” in which one person acts as the “hinge” or “pivot” partner dating two people. the other two people are not romantically or sexually involved with each other.
TRIAD. a triad — also referred to recently as a “throuple” — is a relationship between three people. it might look like one person dating two different people or all three dating one another.
QUAD. a quad is a relationship involving four people. a common example is when two polyamorous couples meet and each person begins dating one person from the other couple.
FULL QUAD. a full quad consists of four people, with each romantically or sexually involved with every other member.
POLYGAMY. the practice of marrying multiple spouses.
POLYCULE. a polycule is the whole network of people romantically connected. for example, it might include you and your husband, your husband’s girlfriend, your husband’s girlfriend’s wife, and so on. think of it as a drawing that shows all of the links.
POLYFIDELITY. an intimate relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group.
MONOGAMISH. a couple of two who sees each other as their main romantic and sexual partner but allow for outside sexual experiences every once in a while.
COMPERSION. compersion is sometimes called “the opposite of jealousy.” it’s a feeling of joy that a person feels from seeing their partner happy with another person.
METAMOUR. a metamour is your partner’s partner. for example, your wife’s girlfriend, who’s not romantically or sexually involved with you.
PARAMOUR. a paramour is an outside member of a marriage. for example, the girlfriend of a husband in a polyamorous marriage.
SOLO POLYAMOROUS (SOPO). solo polyamory means you’re not interested in becoming part of a couple or any other relationship that includes entanglements, such as sharing finances, housing, or marriage. for example, you might be the secondary partner to several people, but prefer not to have a primary partner.
LEGALITY OF POLYGAMY IN 2020
around the world, the legal status of polygamy varies. societies either outlaw, accept, or encourage polygamy.
in every country in north america and south america, polygamy is both illegal and practice is criminalized. in the united states, polygamy is illegal in all 50 states; however, in february 2020, the utah house and Senate reduced punishment for polygamy to the status of a traffic ticket.
all of europe and oceania, except for the solomon islands, do not recognize polygamist marriages. in australia, polygamous marriage is outlawed but polygamous relationships are still common within some indigenous australian communities.
in indonesia, polygamy is legal in some areas, such as in bali, papua, and west papua. balinese hinduism allows for polygamy, which has been practiced for centuries by the balinese and papuans. protests to outlaw polygamy and polygamous marriages occurred in 2008 in Indonesia, but no action has happened.
in india, malaysia, the philippines, and singapore, the governments only recognize polygamous marriages for muslims. they have specific legislation for polygamous marriage that only includes muslims.
some countries that have outlawed polygamy may recognize polygamous marriages from other countries. for example, sweden recognizes polygamous marriage performed abroad. switzerland outlawed polygamy but polygamous marriage conducted in another country is handled on a case-by-case basis. polygamous marriages entered into abroad in australia are recognized for limited purposes only.
below is a list of countries (and their populations) in which polygamy is legal.
MY SOURCES!